NOBODY DIED
Rain Men 94 all out
WCC 96-1 (10.3 overs)
WCC won by 9 wickets.
Toss: Rain Men
The long-awaited clash between the
Weekenders and Rain Men finally took place on a hastily rolled portion of the
Hoo Farm estate near Kimpton. The
months of planning and organisation, the unstinting efforts to raise sides
were cruelly mocked by a track that was as rough as a Weekender's throat
on Monday morning. It was as
dangerously unreliable as a Weekender’s medical opinion, as inconsistent as his
legal advice, as uneven as one of his BBC current affairs programmes and
as bouncy as his breasts as he runs in to bowl.
Nasty Nikhil took the new ball and
as the third delivery rocketed over the outstretched glove of Morty Vickery it
was clear that byes would play if not a leading role then a more lucrative
one than any Weekenders actor gets offered.
‘Come on Nasty,’ d’Inverno urged
his bowler. ‘He doesn’t like it up him.’
‘That’s not strictly true,’ said the Rain Men umpire, a stickler for
accuracy.
Nevertheless the left-handed
Ransome got courageously into line and was severe on any reachable loose
stuff. He was supported by some brave
lashes and spectacular evasions from his unhelmeted partners.
When Owen Franks rouses himself
from his preferred position flat out on the grass the effects can be
devastating and Franksie proved almost unplayable, breaking a bail on the way
to a four wicket haul. Afterwards he resumed his snooze beyond the
boundary and continued it in the evening on the lawn of the pub.
The Hoo's small fast outfield
suited the Weekenders fielding style to perfection in that anything that didn’t
come directly to them could be safely flagged to the boundary. The exception was Ali who saved at least twenty
runs in the deep. There was also a
superbly judged swirling catch by Whitehead and a good sharp pouch at point by
Matt White. Without wanting to put too
much pressure on the boy White, this was one of the most impressive
black-trainer debuts since Hajela’s snaffle on Putney Common in 2002.
The highlight of Rain Men’s
innings was an entertaining last wicket stand in period costume between Milner
and Haggett. Haggetty viewed Douglas’s
leg breaks with utter disdain from beneath the brim of her elegant straw boater
and it was left to Hogben to clean her up, helping himself to a more than tidy
two-fer, his first since 1990.
After a cuppa-less tea
interval - the gas bottles under the
cooker in the pavilion proved as empty as a Weekender’s promise to declare his
availability by Wednesday - Whitehead
and Marvel walked out to open the hosts’ reply.
Whitehead had laboured all week to
raise a side and even spent £20 on a taxi to retrieve the club kit from Fergus
Webster’s car which was laid up on the other side of town. The vehicle in question is a standard
Weekenders model of indeterminate colour and provenance - interior equipped
with the usual Dorito crumbs, loose A-Z pages, pants and furry apple cores -
and it had been broken into, possibly by a passer-by who thought it could do
with a tidy-up, and subsequently towed
to garage in Park Royal for repair, kitbag still in the boot.
Having splashed out for the
equipment's return Whitehead was now ready, fully padded, gloved and
boxed, to go out and chase down that 95 run target. What was remarkable about the ball that
bowled him was not that it was the first one he received but that it was
the first ball of the day that hadn’t reared, jagged, spun or spat off
the deck. Marvel and Morty tore into
the Rain Men bowling before it had time to settle and the rural silence of this
idyllic setting was shattered by Whitehead’s groans, increasing in volume with
each successive boundary.
We got there fairly quickly and
our guests were very understanding about the day’s arrangements - arrangements
that were about as accommodating as a Weekender’s partner who’s just been told
‘I love you babes, can you tape the highlights, we’re just going for a curry,
sweetie, did they go off to sleep all right, love you'.
Doh!
STATS
Rain Men 94 all out (26 overs)
Ransome 29, Byes 26
Narayanan 4-0-27-1; Douglas 10-5-14-3 (inc 2-1-5-1 with leggies); Franks 4-0-5-4; White 3-1-13-1; d’Inverno 0.1-0-0-0 (but well tidy); M. Harvey 2.5-1-6-0; Hogben 2-1-7-2.
Catches: 1 each M. Harvey, Vickery (kpr), White, Whitehead, Hogben
WCC 96-1 (10.3 overs)
M. Harvey 34*, Whitehead 0, Vickery 58*
DNB: Douglas, Hogben, Narayanan, Franks, d’Inverno, White, Frappell.
Debut: White