WEEKENDERS PLAY IT THE ABU HAMZA WAY

Stonor 145 all out

WCC 121 all out

WCC lost by 24 runs

The captain resigned slightly earlier than usual this year. The announcement came not, as would have been perfectly reasonable, after our last eight wickets surrendered themselves for just 28 runs but about seven hours previously. May has been a tough month for the skipper what with the Lord’s bars shutting at teatime and the washing-machine turning his trousers blue, but when he looked out of his window on Sunday morning he was shocked to see that his  accustomed seat in the front of Douglas’s Citroen was already occupied by another Weekender. It was the last straw.

‘Okay, you try skippering then,’ grumbled the leader as he folded his body into the back among the bottles, shoes and crisp packets. For a good twenty minutes the club was a rudderless vessel tossing on a roiling swell of discontent.

Once on the Westway however a debate about the spread for Sackville’s runs (we settled on 3-4) concentrated minds on the game ahead. d’Inverno and Sackville plus the recently collected Mike Harvey got to work with the AA map. The multi-skilled trio came tantalisingly close to locating Buckinghamshire as the car sped along the M40 but after a burst of sarcasm from the driver the cracks began to show.

‘Go M4 South, Douggo. No, North - A1 junction 5. Or 6. It’s a white gate.’ Lost we may have been but there could be no doubt in the minds of anyone inside the car that the Skipper was back in charge.

Growing in confidence, the skip suddenly remembered he’d printed out the map with Nass’s directions (arguably the sole instance of this happening in recent times) and Sackville, as front-seat occupant and owner of the finest lyric speaking voice in the club, was delegated to read them out. But for an unfortunate lapse of concentration when he accidentally screwed the paper up and threw it away Sackville would surely have got us to the Crown at Pishill in plenty of time for a brace of sharpeners. But it was not to be. ‘God, that was so stupid of me. What an arse,’ was the gifted actor’s movingly nuanced explanation.

The mood in the Citroen was sombre yet by some mysterious process – a sort of unconscious Weekenders race memory - we found ourselves at Pishill just a quarter of an hour before the start.

Three cheeky ones later, on a pitch bristling with early-doors demons, Vettickat destroyed the Stonor top order with a superb spell of swing bowling. Douglas applied the pause button, promising newcomer Andy Glen bent it big style with his sharp left arm and before long the home side were 25 for 5 (-ish, the book wasn’t filled in).

A magnificent Stonor fightback saw the Weekenders attack take some heavy punishment but the captain marshalled his field cleverly and we hung in there. There was some excellent work behind the stumps from Husaini and a good run out by somebody else. After a penetrative spell from Sackville the home side were dismissed for 145.

Harvey and Husaini began sensibly until the latter heard a rumour that there was still some chocolate gateau on the tea table. He was replaced by Whitehead, making a welcome return from a year-long niggle, and together they guided the Enders to an impregnable position. When Marvel reached a well-deserved 50 it was, as Dr Hargroves has often remarked, ‘In the bag.’ There could only be one possible outcome.

Stonor had by now dropped six catches but despite their Abu Hamza-like fielding display, they were shortly to be outdone in incompetence by the Weekenders middle and lower order whose batting performance was Abu Hamza-like in every respect bar the powerful hook. From 93-2 we plunged suicidally to 121 all out.

Harvey and Whitehead travelled to the pub together with annoyingly clear consciences while the rest of us sat in the visitors dressing room, morose and silent - for about thirty seconds until the realisation hit home that it was actually a pretty funny end to a glorious day out.

No one in cricket history can have benefitted more from Weekenders’ profligacy than Stonor, except possibly the landlord of the Crown at Pishill where yet again we were the last to leave.

So ends a brilliant month of match management from Nass. Four games, forty-four players selected. Fantastic effort. The perky stumper also figured in the passing of another era in the club’s illustrious history when the Diminished Responsibility record (set in the lounge, reception area and staircase of the Castle and Ball at Marlborough in 2002) was magnificently broken in Soho’s 12 Bar on Thursday night. And so the torch is passed from one titan to the next. Well played lads.

STATS

Stonor: 145 (Brown 58)

Douglas 7-2-9-1, Vettickat 8-4-18-3, R. d’Inverno 5-0-37-0, Glen 8-1-45-2, Sackville 6.4-0-31-3

Catches: M.d’Inverno 1, Glen 1, Husaini 2. There was one other catch – any claimants?

Run-out: Sailor/Nass.

WCC: 121 all out

M. Harvey 50, Husaini 13, Hugh-Jones 0, Whitehead 29, Hajela 0, M. d’Inverno 10, Douglas 4, Sackville 2, Glen 3, Vettickat 1, R. d’Inverno 2*

CD