WCC v Heartaches

Heartaches won by ten wickets

HEARTACHES PROVE, WHEN IT COMES TO HANDING OUT THRASHINGS, ANY TEAM WILL DO.

(Heartaches won by 10 wickets, Weekenders batted first.)

Ten Weekenders journeyed up the M40 (with one more descending the M1), to face Tim Rice’s blend of gentlemen and players.

A later start than normal seemed to generate an air of nervous tension amongst the ‘Enders which might have explained Skipper’s incorrect call and our resulting insertion. Having coaxed Hogben into availability, great things were expected of a classy top three. However it was not to be “Greenidge, Haynes, Richardson” as hoped. Hogben had his off-bail pinged by an absolute pearler which the bowler never looked like repeating. Sparkles, looking to replicate his destructive form of last year, was undone by a half-track scuttler and the rest of the ‘Enders soon followed suit in a variety of quirky yet calamitous methods.

Ultra-slow away swing stifled the scoring and produced a series of LBW decisions unusually dispensed by fellow ‘Enders. It was left to Dibley and Lyons to biff the Rice brothers around until, like Hitler’s doubles, the confusion of which was which precipitated their downfall. Such was the depth of the crisis, Skipper was forced to unfurl a series of defensive strokes and leaves until he too perished leaving Lyons stranded.

Having scored only 104, the Weekenders consoled themselves with an exemplary tea which included two varieties of eggies, mini bhajis, brandy snaps, scones and champagne. Such was the eclectic quality of the spread, there was even talk of a possible surprise victory on the cards.

It was not to be and the ‘Enders decorated bowling attack was smashed to all parts of the ground by the two crack-handed openers. There were virtually no chances offered but plenty of excuses prepared for our total collective failure.

Changes in the weather, the new ball, the lost toss, the slow pitch, a dearth of team fags, Baron Greenback and self-inflicted LBWs could not hide the size of the mismatch this year but the ‘Enders will return next year with dreams of revenge.

Full score to follow

Weekenders - 104 all out.

Dibley - 34

Lyons - 30 not out

The Heartaches - 105 for 0

No bowling highlights really although Dibley and Husaini fielded commendably.

WCC 101 (33.2 overs)

Hogben 0, McDonald 9, Cooper 7, Hudson 6, Douglas 4, Dibley 34, Dunne 4, Lyons 13* Orwell 0, Husaini 0, d'Inverno 11

Heartaches 102-0 (13.4 overs)

Douglas 2-0-12-0; Orwell 4-1-20-0; Dunne 4-0-25-0; Hudson 2-0-24-0; Husaini 1-0-15-0; Dibley 0.4-0-5-0

Stumpings: Butler 2.

Catches: you havin a laugh now?

Ladies of a certain age in white trousers: 36